I recently spoke with a man who used to oversee the distribution of marshmallows to Utah and several other states. Not long ago, he was an account manager for a major food company and knew many details about the sale of various foods in Utah. Yes, it’s true that when it comes to high consumption of Jello, Utah is a national leader (Utah state motto: “Making Life a Taste of Jell’ on Earth”). But did you know about Utah and marshmallows? Utah is clearly the national leader in marshmallow consumption. I think he said Utah had been pegged at about twice the national average. And from my experience growing up there, I strongly suspect that this is due to Mormon influence, not just all those marshmallow-mad Gentiles. It hope it doesn’t jiggle your faith to learn that the combination of Jello and mini-marshmallows is a common feature at popular Mormon activities such as ward dinners, funerals, baptisms, marriage receptions, missionary farewells, Osmond sightings, etc.

Please, I don’t mean to criticize Utah or my fellow Mormons about this. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with excess consumption of gooey foam or gelatinous slime and all the associated synthetic additives, or the inclusion of such PERFECTLY LEGAL chemical concoctions in religious rituals.

Wisconsin religion has it’s own problems with consumption of brats and cheese and beer (not in my ward, fortunately). Out here in Wisconsin, Jello and marshmallows aren’t quite as prominent in LDS congregations, but there’s still plenty of sugar entering our bloodstreams at religious events (including lost of candy and cookies that get handed out to kids on Sunday – parents, take note).

When it comes to promoting health, well – how do I say this without causing offense? – I think we’d all be better off adding a little cardiovascular-friendly polka to our events. As I noted in my previous post, others are a few steps ahead of the Mormons in this critical area, but I’m determined to help us catch up, while also working to cut down on unnecessary sugar intake. I’ve got a plan, but don’t have time to elaborate now. We’re having a missionary farewell reception at my house tomorrow, and it’s time for me to help prepare snacks – that’s right, green Jello and marshmallows, and maybe some Kool-Aid to wash it all down. Sweet!